It has been rather quiet ’round here lately. A responsible individual, a good and honest writer, would shoulder the blame. I choose to point my finger. It’s the Cubs’ fault. One hundred percent. If they played better, I could produce dozens of gushy posts about how great they are and how much fun I have watching them. What’s a girl supposed to do with a 12 game losing streak, though? I’m sure not gonna sit around here and complain about what a dreadful team we have, and how painful they are to look at. Even if it’s true. The FBB is a cheerful place; I’ll have none of this doom and gloom nonsense. Even if it means all I end up producing are posts as irrelevant and innocuous as this one.
If you happen to be into super insipid baseball writing, you are in luck today! If not, just remember, like I said, it’s totally the Cubs’ fault.
I have tons of weird dreams, some of which I remember and some of which I do not. The thing I dream the most is that I can’t see, or that my vision is at least severely impaired (more-so than it is in reality). It is most unpleasant. Baseball is the thing I dream about second most, though, which is usually much more awesome, and often amusing.
Here, for your perusal, are an assortment of some of my baseball dreams. I’d love to hear anyone else’s, too. So do share in the comment section, should you feel inclined.
Years ago, I dreamt that I was at a Cubs game and caught a foul ball hit by Michael Barrett (who was my favorite player on the team, at the time). This is a actually one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had. Not because it was bad in and of itself, but because I was so excited in the dream and had thoroughly convinced myself that it was real. Waking up was the most disappointing thing ever.
I don’t know if anyone else has these, but I frequently dream that I’m stuck in some massive, decrepit old house (full of creaking floors, cobwebs, etc.,) and have to try to find my way out through a labyrinth of rooms that never really end. Usually these are bad, bad dreams. But one time, I was blessed with company in the form of my lovely cousin Melinda along with ex-Cub Cliff Floyd. It seems an odd combination, but the three of us got along quite famously and actually had a really good time going through that creepy house together.
Remember Ryan Freel? He was a Cub for about 5 minutes several years ago. A few weeks after the Cubbies discarded him, I had a dream that he was still on the team. He struck out or something and got really, really angry. One of the other players (I forget who, but it was someone nice who I liked… either Sam Fuld or Micah Hoffpauir, I think) attempted to console him in a kind way. This only made Ryan Freel even angrier, for some reason, and before anyone knew what was happening, he started viciously attacking aforementioned kind teammate with his bat. And I remember thinking, Golly! Who knew Ryan Freel was such a monster?
I once dreamed that I was seeing the Cubs with my sister. We were sitting in the front row in the outfield of some non-descript park and were both suffering violently from colds. Our coughing, sneezing, and blowing of noses caught the attention of Reed Johnson, who was manning his defensive position quite close to where we were. He looked up at us with concern and asked if we were OK. Though really we were not at all OK, we were so excited that Reed Johnson had inquired after our health that we immediately responded that we were just fine.
I don’t remember how this one started, but somehow I was being driven around in a mini-van with Joe Mauer. I’m not sure who was driving, but Joe was seated in the middle seat and I was all the way in back. He was wearing glasses. He informed me that he was going to be running for president, and wondered if I had any advice as to what sort of policies he should have, etc., Unfortunately, I was too tongue-tied to give him the solicited advice.
My favorite dream that I’ve ever had “starred” Ted Lilly. Only he wasn’t Ted Lilly the left-handed pitcher. He was Ted Lilly the escaped convict in what appeared to be the 1970′s.
It started with Ted and a fellow escapee holed up in a dingy motel. They went out and split up, intending to meet up again later. As what I’m guessing was some part of their plan, Ted then proceeded to wave down a commuter bus and hijack it. He had no weapons of any kind. If it were anyone else, one might wonder how he managed to hijack a bus full of people unarmed. But since Ted Lilly is pretty much the Chuck Norris of baseball players, I don’t feel an explanation is necessary.
The bus was bright green in color, and its driver was a young Julie Andrews. When Ted communicated his intentions, Julie was incensed. She fearlessly demanded that he let all the passengers off the bus before he took off with it. Ted agreed. Once the people had disembarked, Miss Andrews then insisted that he also personally reimburse each one for the cost of his or her bus fare. Ted assented to this also, with utmost politeness. He explained that he didn’t have any money at the moment, but if the passengers would write down their names and addresses, he would be happy to mail it to them at a later date.
Julie must have been impressed by all this courtesy, because she then proceeded to inform Ted that, if he wanted it, there was a gun in a hidden compartment on board the bus. He stared at her with what I can only describe as the Lilliest of looks, and said, “Why would you tell me that?”
After that, Ted took off in the bus. He eventually ended up being chased by a fleet of police cars, but the dream ended around that point. I woke up laughing.