It has been rather quiet ’round here lately. A responsible individual, a good and honest writer, would shoulder the blame. I choose to point my finger. It’s the Cubs’ fault. One hundred percent. If they played better, I could produce dozens of gushy posts about how great they are and how much fun I have watching them. What’s a girl supposed to do with a 12 game losing streak, though? I’m sure not gonna sit around here and complain about what a dreadful team we have, and how painful they are to look at. Even if it’s true. The FBB is a cheerful place; I’ll have none of this doom and gloom nonsense. Even if it means all I end up producing are posts as irrelevant and innocuous as this one.
If you happen to be into super insipid baseball writing, you are in luck today! If not, just remember, like I said, it’s totally the Cubs’ fault.
I don’t know if anyone else has these, but I frequently dream that I’m stuck in some massive, decrepit old house (full of creaking floors, cobwebs, etc.,) and have to try to find my way out through a labyrinth of rooms that never really end. Usually these are bad, bad dreams. But one time, I was blessed with company in the form of my lovely cousin Melinda along with ex-Cub Cliff Floyd. It seems an odd combination, but the three of us got along quite famously and actually had a really good time going through that creepy house together.
It started with Ted and a fellow escapee holed up in a dingy motel. They went out and split up, intending to meet up again later. As what I’m guessing was some part of their plan, Ted then proceeded to wave down a commuter bus and hijack it. He had no weapons of any kind. If it were anyone else, one might wonder how he managed to hijack a bus full of people unarmed. But since Ted Lilly is pretty much the Chuck Norris of baseball players, I don’t feel an explanation is necessary.
The bus was bright green in color, and its driver was a young Julie Andrews. When Ted communicated his intentions, Julie was incensed. She fearlessly demanded that he let all the passengers off the bus before he took off with it. Ted agreed. Once the people had disembarked, Miss Andrews then insisted that he also personally reimburse each one for the cost of his or her bus fare. Ted assented to this also, with utmost politeness. He explained that he didn’t have any money at the moment, but if the passengers would write down their names and addresses, he would be happy to mail it to them at a later date.
Julie must have been impressed by all this courtesy, because she then proceeded to inform Ted that, if he wanted it, there was a gun in a hidden compartment on board the bus. He stared at her with what I can only describe as the Lilliest of looks, and said, “Why would you tell me that?”
After that, Ted took off in the bus. He eventually ended up being chased by a fleet of police cars, but the dream ended around that point. I woke up laughing.