Rhyme-o-rama 2012! Part Three

Posted on April 5, 2012 by Elizabeth

Grab your kazoos and party hats! Cue the confetti cannon and fireworks! Prepare your happy dances!

Opening Day has, at last, arrived.

Although, if you’re a Mariners, Athletics, Marlins, or Cardinals fan you’ve had your moment already. This celebration isn’t for you. Go away.

For the rest of us, let’s let the good times roll.

And what better way to kick off this glorious day than with the conclusion of Rhyme-o-rama 2012?

My remaining and increasingly un-predictiony “spoems” follow. I hope you’ll enjoy.

Let’s hope our hearts shall oft be cheered
By the presence of Blake DeWitt and his beard.

Rafael Dolis is as cute as can be
He’ll set up, which is fine with me.

Starlin Castro is here to stay-
We get to watch him every day. (Yay!)

Kerry Wood is my favorite, you see,
So instead of two lines
I am giving him three.

Don’t try to hit ‘em where Reed Johnson ain’t,
He is everywhere, see, an outfielding saint.

Geo Soto I’ll shower with flattery,
He’s always a positive end of the battery.

Lendy Castillo and Shawn Camp have somehow made it this far,
I literally have no idea who they are.

Darwin Barney plays second base
By bubblegum power he activates.

Tony Campana, Campana Tony.
His speed is anything but phoney.

Luis Valbuena was acquired last minute,
If there was a prize for most infielders, the Cubs now would win it.

Thanks to you all for joining me on this strange, rhyming journey. Enjoy Opening Day, and Go Cubs!

Recapping Cubs Con: Day Two

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Elizabeth

Saturday morning kicked off with a Theo Epstein Q&A hosted by Len Kasper. (Warning: This is where my lousy note-taking skills are going to start rearing their ugly heads.) Theo cited the devoted fan base as a major factor in bringing him to the Cubs. “You don’t find this kind of passion a lot of places,” he said, adding that, “I’ll never forget that Kerry Wood moment for the rest of my life.” He said that he didn’t think he had done anything yet to deserve having his name chanted, but that he hoped it might be more warranted down the road. When asked what kind of changes would be made to Wrigley Field, Theo responded with, “I think that the ‘W’ flag should be raised more.” He’s clever, eh? The session as a whole was quite interesting. There is something captivating about this guy because, even though he didn’t say anything that I did not expect to hear, I was thoroughly enthralled for the entire hour.

“There aren’t a lot of Albert Pujolses around, and I’m glad the one there is isn’t in our division anymore.”

We followed up the Theo event with an hour’s fruitless wait in a Darwin Barney autograph line (oh well) after which we headed to the “Kids Only” Press Conference. It featured a line-up of Tony Campana, Darwin Barney, Reed Johnson, Todd Walker, and David DeJesus. Only youngsters were permitted to ask questions, and it was a scream. Where else would you learn Todd Walker’s dog’s name (which is Mr. Caboodle Snorkleson, or something close to that)? Or hear such a query as, “What would happen if you fainted on base”? Or learn that Tony Campana recently got carded at the movies? Or that if not a ballplayer, he would have liked to have been an astronaut? Tony was definitely a popular guy in this session, and Reed Johnson had us all in stitches.

Just a few gems from this highly entertaining hour:

Q (to Tony): How did it feel when you hit your inside the park home run?

Tony: I was tired.

Q.: What would you do if you were in a pickle?

Reed (confusedly): A pickle jar?

Reed: Is the reason every question is for Tony Campana because he’s the same size as you guys?

Q.: What do you do after a loss?

Reed: Cry. [Short Pause] A lot.

Q.: If Ernie Banks was still on the Cubs, what would he do?

Darwin: He’d wanna play a double header.

Q (to Tony): Are you gonna hit a real home run this year?

Q.: If you could change into any animal, what would it be?

Reed: A cheetah, so I could be just like Tony.

And I am sure the whole world will want to know that Reed Johnson’s favorite flavor of ice cream is mint chocolate chip, while Tony’s is cookies & cream, Darwin’s and David’s is strawberry, and Todd Walker’s is vanilla (with stuff on it.) I know that this is some pretty hard hitting stuff…. I hope you folks can handle it.

Almost immediately following the Kids Only conference was a session called “Outside The Foul Lines”, with Ryan Dempster, Geovany Soto, Randy Wells and Tony Campana (again.) It was, unsurprisingly, another winner. I won’t rehash all the contents of this panel as it was, I believe, broadcast on WGN radio and should be available for download sometime soon. It is worth a listen, for sure.

To round off the afternoon, we waited in a few more lines and procured autographs from Travis Wood (sorry you’ve not gotten a ‘Welcome To Chicago” post yet, Travis) and Todd Walker (I’m still a fan. Can’t help it.)

Doesn’t he look like somebody? I can’t figure out who. Help me out, people.

Before heading back to the ‘burbs for the night, we happened to witness Randy Wells in a hallway with a lady friend. He was taking her picture with a life-sized cardboard figure of himself and urging her to “kiss it”… I don’t think she did.

Darwin Barney: Movie Star

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Elizabeth

I don’t know if this is common knowledge or not (a pox on you all for keeping it from me if it is) but Cubs second baseman and FBB-favorite Darwin Barney has a pretty decent fallback if baseball doesn’t work out for him. The fallback I refer to is a career on the silver screen.

Did you know, noble public, that in his minor league days our own little Darwin had a role in a major motion picture?* I really hope that you did not. This is just the sort of dainty little tidbit that I delight in drawing out from the shadows and into the light for all the world to see.

Intrigued parties will be further pleased to learn that this same motion picture (entitled “Calvin Marshall” and revolving around an ambitious but talentless college ballplayer) is available to watch free of charge on Hulu. If “Rudy” and “Summer Catch” got together and had a movie-baby, it would probably be something like “Calvin Marshall”. Darwin’s role isn’t that important, but he does get plenty of face time.

For those who aren’t interested in sitting through a whole movie just to see Darwin Barney, never fear… I took plenty of screenshots for you.

*Of course, when I say major motion picture, I mean in a “Weekend At Party Pier”** kind of way.

**If you know what “Weekend At Party Pier” is, God bless you.

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

Posted on October 27, 2011 by Elizabeth

In January, I posted a collection of a few of the perplexing, amusing search terms that led internet searchers to The FBB. I really get a kick out of some of these… gleaning them may take months, but it’s worth it. Some are funny and some just leave me scratching my head. In any case, here is another crop. Enjoy. (Note that once again all these “Googlings” have been left exactly as they were; no corrections in spelling, grammar, etc., have been made.)

***

tim lincecum bed bath and beyond girlfriend : If it was just “Tim Lincecum Bed Bath & Beyond”, or just “Tim Lincecum girlfriend”, I could understand. Combining them, though? What were you hoping to uncover with that?

judd sirott no longer doing cubs play by play : Knowing the popular opinion regarding Judd Sirott, I guess this is what one would call wishful Googling.

nutella derek jeter: One of those that I don’t understand, but I love. LOVE.

joe mauer eyelash: And another of those.

advantages of a jumbotron in a small town: I can’t think of any.

cliff lee charming: He is, isn’t he?

is darwin barney north korean or south korean?

is darwin barney his real name

darwin barney’s last name: A face-palm triple header.

my emails from mrs carlos and mrs dempster.: Maybe try looking in your inbox.

how can baseball be a good thing for kids: How can it NOT be?

americans listen to wgn radio every day: We do?

what does a rat as big as a tigers look like: Like THIS.

evan longoria psychic

matt garza is adorable: In a muppety kind of way.

who died in the boston tea party: Uhhh, nobody?

town virginia boston tea party: Boston is in Massachusetts. The last time I checked.

Yep!

suitted babies

“doctor who” fruit: I don’t know how this led to The FBB, but I am thrilled. It gives me an excuse to post this:

people with extraterrestrial resemblance: RYAN DOUMIT!!! Is it just a resemblance, though? I’m not so sure. And I’m betting whoever searched this isn’t, either.

marlon byrd loves me: So does Jesus!

the darwin barney initiative: Who searched this? I need to know. Whoever you are, you’re my favorite.

Saying Goodbye: Your 2011 Chicago Cubs

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Elizabeth

“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.”

I know that the average Cubs fan was relieved when the 2011 season finally ended last week, and probably doesn’t think there was much worth remembering fondly from it. I believe that there is always something worth remembering from every year. This year, by some miracle, I have come up with not one or two but TEN positive things to either take from the 2011 Cubs, to look forward to in 2012, or (in a few cases) both.

***

10. Sean Marshall… the man who deserved better than the Chicago Cubs. Sean recorded 34 holds and a 2.26 ERA and all that, but I don’t need to recite his stats. We all know how good he is.

9. Jeff Baker & Reed Johnson. Is it just me? Maybe. These may not be marquis-type players, but I have determined that they are genuinely likable human beings and I enjoy watching them play very much.

8. Carlos Pena’s smirk. I’m glad Carlos got to spend a year on the North side. I’ve always been a fan, and I will miss his smile next year.

7. Matt Garza. It obviously isn’t reflected in his won-loss record, but Matt had a very good year for us. And what stands out even more than his solid pitching performances is his enthusiasm. If it was so unflappable in a stinky year like this, I would love to be able to see how psyched up he’d be for a good year of Cubs baseball.

6. Kerry Wood. If seeing Kerry back home again didn’t warm your heart, you might not have one.

5. Throwback uniform days. We got not one, but TWO vintage uni days in 2011, a rare treat. Throwbacks will never fail to thrill me.

The socks… oh! The beautiful socks!

4. Ron Santo-ness.

3. Darwin Barney. I know that a lot of Cubs fans have long since turned their noses up at Darwin, proclaiming him unworthy of whatever acclaim he may have received this year. I know he isn’t Robinson Cano or anything, but Darney certainly exceeded my expectations of him (in the first half, particularly) and that is enough for me to count him among the high points of this year.

2. Tony Campanarama’s mad wheels. I know that some of the same noses turned up against Darwin Barney are likewise against Tony. He may not possess a lethal bat, but honestly… find me someone more fun to watch on the basepaths. You won’t, because there isn’t anyone. This is more than enough to earn our little speed-demon a spot on this list.

1. STARLIN CASTRO. Enough said.

***

Seeing Double: Cubs & Muppets edition

Posted on September 15, 2011 by Elizabeth

I have had this post in the back of my mind ever since Matt Garza came over to Chicago. Matt’s uncanny resemblance to various muppet characters is something I haven’t been shy about pointing out. But what about the rest of the team? It doesn’t seem fair to pick only on Mr. Garza, even if his muppety qualities are so strong. Today, therefore, I will be throwing a few more fellas under the bus… the Electric Mayhem tour bus, that is.